In the immortal words of Frank N Furter, “I didn’t make him for you”.

Many years ago I had an epiphany. Probably more of a rude awakening, but hey.
I was sat in a BrewDog (hack, pthuh!) bar and realised that as much as I didn’t like the place, it didn’t matter, it was Craft Beer For The Massed ™ and I wasn’t the Masses they were the craft beer for.
The place was packed with 30 somethings in shirts and loosened ties. Bawling loudly about how much they hated their (highly paid) jobs and the idiots they worked with. Whom I had to guess weren’t the idiots they were now drinking with.
But my opinions here didn’t matter. These were young (compared to me) folks out in the pub enjoying themselves.
The pub lived on.
Not my idea of a pub, but not every bar can serve just wood cask ales on draught on good lager on chilled keg, with a nice selection of ciders, cheese, meat platters, pork pies, pickled eggs, Indian snacks, have a pub cat, two slobbery dogs and a fire in the corner that both manages to be unobtrusive and the centre of attention. Oh, and also has regulars who’re so happy to see me (deities knows why) that they buy me a pint when I arrive.
But this bar wasn’t for me, it was really for “the masses”, the general population. Those who weren’t nerdily concerned about what percentage of what hops were used in the brew to affect the bitterness ration from the use (or lack of) crystal malts in the grain bill.
It was for people who were more concerned about how much they enjoyed it than what the IBU was.

In short, it wasn’t supposed to be for me. And as soon as I realised that, I realised that was okay.

And now fast forward to this piece from Katie Mather, who I am going to state unequivocally now  in case there is any doubt, is one of the most heart-felt and passionate writers I’ve ever had the pleasure to meet, to drink with, and I hope can call a friend.

https://www.katiematherwrites.com/the-gulp/slow-death-in-a-gastropub

This is Katie’s writing at its best. It’s personal, it’s from the heart. And it’s why you should all subscribe to her newsletter.
Billy Connelly, Jasper Carrot and Victoria Wood are oft touted as the best observational comedians of our time (okay, my time, I’m getting old), but Katie is probably the best observational drinks writer of our time. And this piece sums up something so very important that I fear it may get overlooked: Pubs have changed. They’re not just for us, they no longer fit the definition we’d like them to keep to.

Which brings me to my recent epiphany. Having moved back to my childhood home (figuratively and literally, I’m now living in the house I lived in as a ten year old) I’ve recently had occasion to go out to gastropubs of the ilk that Katie mentions and dear deities but they’re dire.
Macro lagers and “craft” beer, ales from national breweries who have a lower hop purchase bill than your average independent in a railway arch, and staff that fall strictly into two categories: those that are making the best of a bad lot and those that are just passing the time.
It’s fair to say I don’t like them.
But my 81 year old dad does. And his new 82 year old wife (yeah, they got married last year!) does. And why do they like these Ikea Soul places? For the same reason that so many people like Wetherspoons pubs, because they know what they’re getting.
They know when they go in that there’ll be a menu with favourites like cod and chips, beef wellington, steak, roast chicken and maybe a sticky toffee pudding to follow. They know they won’t be confronted and bamboozled by “dirty fries” whatever the frag they are. They know they won’t need a spoon to help them eat a burger. And they know that they can order a pint of “bitter” and not be interrogated as to which variety of yeast they want that fermented with. Oh, and they’ll also sell Chardonnay as a standard.
These are not places for us. These are places for them.  For those that we’ve driven out of the city centres with our happy hour cocktails that are useful for nothing other than snapping on Instagram, with our schooners, with out IBUs, with our street food and beer based slushies.
There was a need, not a niche because it was a great need. And to paraphrase Frank: “I didn’t make them for *you*”.



And I really hope Katie still talks to me after this!